Depression

There are four roots to depression. 

1.  Physical (tired).  Solution: rest.

2.  Moral (guilt).  Solution: forgiveness.

3.  Psychological (chemical imbalance).  Solution: love.

4.  Spiritual (demon root).  Solution: Jesus.

In Mark 5:1-20, Jesus heals a man possessed by a Legion of demons.  A legion would have consisted anywhere between 3,500 to 8.000 individuals.  Jesus banishes the legion of demons with the same effort of banishing one demon, with His command.  This is because JEsus is the highest name, the highest power.  He is God.

Jesus knows the storm

In Mark 4:35-41, there's a story of Jesus who took a nap, a near disaster and a display of ultimate power.

Jesus grew tired and took a nap in the boat. 
A huge storm came upon them.  The people in the boat were seasoned fishermen, people who knew how to weather the storm.  They feared for their lives.  They woke Jesus up, asking him, "Do you not care that we are perishing?"  He then woke up and spoke to the wind and waves, "stop" and they were stilled.

A story most Christians have heard before, Jesus calms the storm.

A closer look shows something I've glossed over before~
They were afraid for their lives.  This storm was HUGE. 
Jesus is God, so He knew about this storm.  Yet, he allowed it to happen.
The people woke Jesus up, asking "Don't you care about us?!"
Then Jesus calmed the wind and waves.  If Jesus just calmed the wind, that could have been attributed to a change in the air pressure, or change in the highs and lows, etc.  However, for huge, devastatingly roiling water to become instantaneously still is impossible.  That's like dropping a rock in the water and smoothing all the ripples with the palm of your hand. 

So.  Jesus knows about the storms in our lives.  He allows them to happen, so we may see who He really is. 

I want to know Jesus.  More deeper and more closer.  Closer than even my skin.

Sigh~ this is why God said no and why I choose to obey Him!!

Boy said, "When you do find the next relationship, remember what I told you about it? When you get the same thoughts concerning him remember how you couldn't choose before and blamed God for your lack of trust to make your decision based on what you were seeing right before you. You will always be unsure of yourself if you trust what you think you know to be correct, especially when you think by praying you will make God conform to your will. God didn't tell you no, but I can guess who you were listening to and it wasn't God. When I do finally see you again, then you will see you passed by what God had blessed you with. This act of immaturity of you blocking me on facebook shows your heart and how you don't trust and you're making decisions based out of fear and nothing else. You're by yourself and you will be that way until you learn to trust and not try to manipulate God into choosing the "right" person for you. He wants you to choose."  

Girl replied, "I did choose."

I see sin...

Fighting and bickering....
nit-picking and bullying...

That's what I saw today.
Sin.

Sin is prevalent everywhere~ it is in everyone and in every motivation behind each action. 

The very best is always tainted with sin.

My very best is never good enough.

So~ why try?
Why interact with the world that is so hurtful and sinful?
What's the other option?
Death?  Whether it is physical or emotional, death is the end to the life God gave me.

Sin cannot win!  Jesus has already won!!  How can sin win when it has already lost?!
Sin pretends there's still a chance it'll win~ but Jesus won!  Completely and forever!!

That is why though there is sin everywhere, there is God's grace.  Though all I do is tainted with sin, in Jesus' name, I am clean.  Though my very best is never good enough, Jesus' is always the best. 

He calls me His.  I am His~ and He covers me.  He says, It Is Finished.  Period.
Now~ here on earth, His kingdom is here, but not yet completely.  His victory is won, but not yet realized~  It is the "already, and not yet" paradox... We are His, and yet, we are still here.  We are citizens of Heaven, yet, we still live on earth.  We are forgiven and declared righteous, and yet, we still sin.  :/

I await the day when the shackles of this earth lets loose and I fly into the arms of Jesus~ who's hands will wipe my tears and comfort me~ who's voice I long to hear, who's eyes I want to gaze into, who's arms I want to fall into~  Until then, my faith will be my ears and eyes, and my hope be the strong arms that wrap around me, holding me up.  :)  I know Jesus is here.  I know Jesus loves me.  I just want Him to come back soon~  I want Jesus to make everything right.  :)

Alone?

I felt so alone that I ached inside.
I thought I was all alone, surrounded by people~ all around me through this vast communication overload called the internet.  There are so many ways of communication: email, chatting, facebook, im, etc.  There are so many ways, and yet, I stared blankly at my wall~ wondering, where are my friends?  Who are my friends?

Am I alone?  No.  But do I feel alone?  Yes.
How do I go about changing that?  I started this week, by reaching out to others.  Saying hi to others first.  Both in real life and on the web. 
That's when my connections were strengthened.  Though these connections can never replace human-to-human contact, face -to-face time, still, this is a start. 

I am taking one more step.  I am going out of my way to meet up with the people that I've contacted.  Not all, though my heart wishes, my duties constrain me.  I lack time to do all that I want to do.  So, I'll take small steps.

First may quite possibly be a giant step~  I'm going to an art show/christmas party!  Yay!  It'll be something very new~  :)  Looking forward to it.  I wonder if I'll go alone~ well, even if I do go alone, there'll be someone I know there who'll be thrilled to see me~ and it's an opportunity to meet more people.  Who knows what these connections will lead to in the end?  God alone knows how He's going to use these connections.  I'm looking forward to the adventures He has in store for me! :)

It Starts as a Seed

What did Jesus describe the Kingdom of Heaven as?  A small seed.  A mustard seed to be exact, the smallest of seeds which when sown, grows into a large tree with branches to give birds a home~

This reference is actually from the Old Testament~ referring to the Tree that will connect the earth to Heaven~ as the Ladder that Jacob saw on which he saw angels ascending and descending~

The seed is actually Jesus Christ Himself!  He is the one who had to die~ on a tree no less!  The tree, the cross, bridges the gap between Heaven and earth~

Jesus Himself connects us to God.  He replaced our sinfulness with His righteousness~ He exchanged His righteousness for our sinfulness~ the most unfair exchange in the history of creation!

Nonetheless, it is by Him and through Him that we are alive~
I am thankful I am alive in Him.  I am thankful that He is with me~

Especially in this time when everything reminds me of the one who loved me and the One who loves me best~ Sad because I had to let go of the one who loved me.  Joyful because I have the love of One who loved me from eternity past and into eternity future!  :)

David and Goliath and the Seed

The pinpricks of light has expanded to the noonday sun!

Hope is real.  Why do I have hope?  Because of Jesus Christ!

In the biblical story of David and Goliath, it is always rendered as us being David.  With courage given by God, we step up to our Goliaths, and through His provision and strength, we overcome the Goliath that taunts and threatens our peace.

However, this weekend, there are two stories that have renewed my hope in the Living Lord.
I am the Israelite army that is so disheartened and afraid of Goliath.  I stand without hope of victory.  In the midst of this obvious defeat, steps a figure that seems to be of little consequence.  A young boy named David.  He is a shepherd.  He is not a warrior.  Yet, when he hears the taunts of Goliath, he stands and confronts this giant.  He comes in the name of the Lord of Hosts.  Then, through an act that doesn't seem very wise, he uses a sling to slay the giant!

Parallel this to our story.  I already mentioned that I am the Israelite army.  I am afraid and hopeless.  Yet, my Hero came, not with trumpets or glory, but as a small boy, a baby boy that was born in a shelter for sheep and cows.  His bed was a feeding trough.  He was visited by the shepherds, and then the three wisemen of the east.  Jesus Christ came as a baby, born of a virgin.  He grew up and was sinless.  Then through an act that didn't make sense to those who followed Him as their leader, He was crucified on the Cross.  On it, right before He gave His last breath, He cried out, "Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?" meaning, "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?"  and then, "It is finished."


What was accomplished through His death?  The very victory that was promised from the beginning of creation in Genesis 3.  He crucified in His flesh all our sins.  The punishment was paid in full by Him.  I no longer hold that debt.


But, that's not all.  Through His resurrection, He was victorious!  He is God.  If He didn't rise from the dead, as He had promised, as the entire bible had promised, all our hopes would have died with Him.  But, because He rose from the dead, our hopes are alive with Him!


So, David who triumphed over Goliath, parallels Jesus who triumphed over death.
He is my hero.


As for the Seed, the Seed is the Gospel.  What you just read, about Jesus' death and resurrection for your sins, is the Gospel.  The Good News.  It certainly is good news.  We were once enemies of God, headed for hell as the only rightful punishment for our sin.  However, Jesus took our place and gave us His righteousness so that we can have a relationship and a fellowship with God!


That doesn't come from our good works.  That doesn't come from our choices or our wills at all!  It doesn't come from us.  From the start to finish, it is all God's work.  Let that sink deep into your heart, and as a plant sends out roots and a shoot, that grows into a plant and then develops even bigger into a fruit/seed bearing tree, let the Gospel dig deep into your heart, so that you too may bear fruit.  Fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.


Like a seed, it must die before it can be alive.  My old self with its sinful will and wants must be crucified with Jesus.  Then, His fruit can come alive in me.  It is not an instantaneous change, but takes time.  It is a process that will take the rest of my life.


However, I rest in the knowledge that God is good, He is all powerful, and He loves me through and through.  He will also not keep me here on this earth a minute more than I have to.  So, until I go to heaven, I have the privilege to be a servant of God here on earth.  


What is my purpose?  What is my the reason I am here?  I am not sure, but what I am sure about is, I am to be diligent with what He has given me.  Therefore, I will work diligently at my task, whether it be at work or home or church.  Yes, this means changes to my habits~ but that too God will enable me as I obey Him more and more~ 


Each day is a brand new adventure, with a lot of love notes from God my Father.  The beautiful clouds, the flowers, the joy of friendship.  All these are memos of God reminding me of His love!


:)  I am blessed to be in His arms of Love.  

First Contact

So, in the previous post, the girl wasn't supposed to even dare contact the boy.

Well, the girl contacted the boy.  More specifically, left a voicemail on his cellphone.
That night, the boy called to leave a voicemail on her cellphone.
Then, the girl called to leave a voicemail on his cellhphone.
Tonight, the boy called to leave a voicemail...

There's a pattern here.  ...

Well, life as I know it is no longer~
Colors seemed to have faded.  Joy seems to recede when just within reach.
I look up into the night sky and am thankful that I see a lone star, shining with all its might.
Even that pinprick of a light casts away the dark, just enough for its light to reach my eyes, from so far away.

That is why it is important to remember what we are thankful for.  This is our light in the darkness.  Otherwise, the dark will devour.  I can feel the dark and feel its dread.  Somehow, it is no longer an absence of light.  It is now a nothingness that can be oppressive.  How do I explain that?  It is a nothingness that obliterates.

As in the Neverending Story, the Nothing comes to destroy.  It devours everything in its path.  What is the hope?  The hope is that faint glimmer of light within the Princess's hands.  That spark is all it takes for hope to thrive.

So, to be thankful is to hold that spark of hope in your hands.  That's just the beginning, and its enough to know it is not the end.

Thankful...

To be thankful is to be blessed.

I am thankful, yet it still pains me to feel sooo alone.
Sigh~  It's hard to put it in words, but for my sanity and well-being, I will try to pour out my heart here.

It's a simple story of girl who is so lonely, she goes on the wide world web and meets a boy.  Boy is friendly and soon starts talking everyday.  Everyday leads to every couple of times a day.  Just talking on the phone isn't enough.  Email, chat, facebook, voice messages, skype and talking late into the night are all the ways they communicated.  However, there's the fact that this boy lives 1400 miles away from girl.  All the way in Texas.  So, each night, though for a short time on the phone, that distance was 0, every time they said "Good night" and "Amen" after prayers, when they got off the phone, that distance stayed the same.

The boy gave up a lot of sleep to talk with girl.  Two more hours and then some.  Boy was a knight in shining armor.  Boy's words were a place the girl could settle into, safe and sound.  Boy even proposes with a diamond ring.  Boy and girl are dreaming of a future together~ planning their wedding and getting ahead of themselves.  There is joy in being together.

Until, that is, when God revealed to girl, boy isn't the best.  He is good, but he isn't the best.  Doesn't the girl want what is best?  Yes, but to do that, she must let go of what she has now.  There's no guarantee that the best is another man.  Maybe it is to be alone.  Girl won't find out until she's on the other side.  Until then, she must try to work out her anguish, anxiety and loneliness in any way she can.

Girl misses boy, but dares not contact him.  She cares for him in her own way.  She also knows how needy she is.  So needy that she is almost willing to give up on the best to have what is good and what is in front of her now.  That's dangerous.  That's settling.  That negates all the hard things she had to do to obey God.  That would be saying to God, "I know what's best, better than You."  That's just not true.

So, though girl is fading away and in pain for lack of companionship~ girl is determined to do what is right.
Hard.  But life isn't really easy, is it?  Everything is hard.  Living is hard.  Staying alive is hard.  But what is even harder than living is, dying.  It is very hard to die.  Especially for a scaredy cat.  Girl thanks God for that.  Girl looks up to see the beautiful clouds and the twinkling stars.  Girl sees hope, yet it is a constant battle to keep eyes looking upward.

So, though girl is missing boy, girl cannot go back to boy.  Girl wants to do what is right.

Why Movies touch our souls~

Today, I watched "Tangled"
Beautiful beyond words!

As I sat there watching the movie unfold before my eyes, my heart ached at what I saw and the truth of what was being said.  I don't want to ruin it, so I will simply say this:  We are each beautiful and precious.  We have something to offer to this world.  However, there are people who deceive and hide that truth, feeding us lies and keepings us locked up in our towers.  In the end, the life we live is our own.  In the end, we must make choices that seem very difficult, but with friends close by, even the most scariest adventure becomes exactly that: an adventure!

To Thank

Thanksgiving is a day of thanks.
How much our lives would be better if we spend more time
thanking than griping.
Thanking for what we have,
for where we live, for who we are.

Thanksgiving is a day to remember.
It's not all about self, though there is some self-indulgence~
To thank is to extend outside of self.

Stretched beyond all measure,
Not sure if you will be okay.
But in the end, it's not really about you, or me.
It's really about thanking God for what He's done.

World at peace if we can hold to these things:  Love, peace and forgiveness.
But in this fallen world~  Sigh~ one can only imagine and dream....

But to come back~
Thank you for stretching me, though it hurts so much!
Thank you for reaching out to me, though it frightens me so!
Thank you for loving me, though at times I take you for granted.
Thank you for Jesus, without Him, I am forever lost~
Thank you and good night~

First ever

Oh My~

This is my first ever blog entry that isn't linked with anything else...  Hmm~  interesting!

I like it!

Well...

I start...

Thoughts, random thoughts, up to no good.
Causing me pain and lots of sorrow.
Maybe that is why I continue to brood,
and can't wait until tomorrow.

Morning mists start to curl and swirl.
My thoughts cause my head to whirl.

Up to no good, these thoughts of mine.
I long for the day where no cares will touch
My heart but only joy in the Divine~
and until that day comes.... tough!

.... a humble start, but very intriguing!